thoughts of a simple bookworm

last week's recap

2006-05-21T00:13:00.000-07:00

1st thing on my mind...everytime i thought i'm lost forever.. He's always jz a prayer away..bener2 too good for me :)

mo ke gereja hr ini ada demo lg *alesan abeesss :P *.. dan ga bangun dong!! gile deh.. capenya kurang tidur bbrp ari + lari2/sauna2 ngerjain si bebek/beli karcis/ntn davinci hahaha wut a week :) it was fun indeed.. God is really full of unexpected things :)

kamis kmrn ke date lagi (stlh kerja keras nyiram si bebek.. oh ember oh ember.. INDAHNYA SI EMBERRRR..whoever put that thing next to me.. GOD BLESS YOU !! HEUAHEUEHUHEA)..sempet berguru sedikit ma dewa bass :) dipinjemin buku basic bass.. adoh stlh 4 taon maen bass dng avoiding baca any theories, not balok, dan pake otak gw.. kayanya ga bisa menghindar lg neh hueaheuaheu..gpp de..anything for the glory of the Lord.. jd gw berniat latian + improve my stagnant skills :)
trus gw jg diberkati.. topik sharing kmrn itu membuka mata gw banget..
gw musti belajar jadi lebih open minded, sabar, accepting dan less selfish :)
makasih Tuhan, udah disadarkan..

trus kmrn ntn davinci code ma anak2 hotex.. beli puzzle lagi hohoww.. serbu rotiboy *NYUMMYYYYY* and had a long conversation over a cold banana mocha frappuchino w/ si bebek :D .. rasanya dah lama ga ngobrol2 panjang lebar ma tuh mahluk.. kynya gara2 dia cuti+training semingguan gitu.. trus lg heboh2 gitu di *bucks.. di sblh kita ada org duduk, cewe2 gt de.. gw ga sadar.. stlh ga lama ricky dtg..ee itu istrinya ricky heuaehue *oopss.. si bebek jg ga nyadar.. wkt itu dia ketemunya cm bntar seh.. dasar tuh anak..* gw jg ngerasa cupu ga sadar.. utg dia org jg cuek2 aja..jd kita lanjut lg.. hueheuahuea

hoahm..mgg dpn bakal full deh.. semoga kerjaan menyurut *tho very unlikely hahaha
bersyukur dah at least i hv smth 2 do.. musti fitness lg neh... ufh.. been slacking off way too much lately :)

oh negara ini..

2006-05-08T07:43:00.000-07:00

kenapa yah dunia ini dipenuhi oleh orang2 yg merasa dirinya pintar..padahal kenyataannya berbeda?
kenapa yah dunia ini dipenuhi orang2 yg ignorant, gak peduli terhadap sesama, gak perduli lingkungan?
kenapa yah negara ini begitu susah di-fix? dari atas sampe bawah keropos, karatan, basi..
rakyat gak bisa disalahkan.. pola pikir mrk terbentuk dari lingkungan.. keadaan yg diciptakan oleh pemerintah.. yg kerjanya makan gaji buta.. sidang = tidur siang?
konon istilahnya sih wakil rakyat..

wakil rakyat.. ha ha ha.. istilah yg palsu..
rakyat menderita bahan bakar naik, "wakil rakyat" tak sungkan menuntut kenaikan gaji..

rakyat susah cari uang, kadang hanya cukup untuk ongkos tak cukup untuk makan.. inflasi.. "wakil rakyat" ribut soal downsizing mobil dinas.. bisa sampe jadi "wakil rakyat" aja berarti minimal mobil 3 kan, pak?

inflasi gak pernah berenti, semua naik, upah tetep kecil dan standard hidup rendah.. "wakil rakyat" revisi uu tenaga kerja konon utk menguntungkan pengusaha.. kira2 kalau pengusaha untung, "wakil rakyat" juga ikut untung kan? begitu gampangnya menginjak rakyat kecil.. bukannya mencari penyelesaian yg kreatif, efektif dan kondusif.. malah ambil jalan singkat.. khas Indonesia deh.. malas mencari tempat parkir, berenti saja di pinggir jalan.. mengambil 1 jalur dan menyebabkan macet? ah.. gak peduli tuh.. toh polisi juga diam saja.. mending jalanan di Indonesia gak perlu dikasih garis2 pembatas atau rambu2 deh.. percuma.. jadi pajangan, gak ada gunanya.. mending uang utk bikin rambu/cat jalan buat kasih makan orang.. kali masih lebih berguna..
dan kalo dah ga jelas gitu.. mayan lah.. kali2 aja polisi kita akhirnya beneran jadi polisi..

waktu rakyat dirugikan karena korupsi, kolusi, nepotisme yg tidak habis2.. keadaan negara yg tidak aman.. kemunafikan mengatasnamakan agama di mana2.. masalah2 vital dan fatal.. "wakil rakyat" sibuk mencabut identitas wanita Indonesia..
rasanya R.A Kartini, Dewi Sartika, dan semua pahlawan wanita Indonesia udah guling2 di kuburnya.. sia2 aja mrk berjuang.. sia2 mrk menderita.. munafik kita mengajarkan di sekolah2 ttg perjuangan mereka..

bener kata salah satu artis di tv tadi.. kita skrg memang masih hidup dlm penjajahan..
bkn penjajahan bangsa asing.. tapi penjajahan KEBODOHAN..

susah susah..
kalo kata Remy Sylado, memang kali musti ganti nama.. ikutin adat istiadat org Jawa or Cina yg kalo keberatan nama, mending diganti aja drpd tar kaya negara ini.. sakit.. rusak.. bobrok.. keropos ga jelas..

sigh.. mending "wakil rakyat" nya dikasih tau deh.. jgn ngurusin perut sendiri.. jgn munafik mengatasnamakan agama.. lebih baik urusi rakyat yg konon diwakilkan... gak bisa makan.. gak bisa sekolah.. boro2 naek mobil.. boro2 minta naek gaji..

Tuhan, Tuhan.. mau jadi apa negara ini?

uttering thanks

2006-05-05T08:19:00.000-07:00

a recap of what life has been these past few months..

God has managed to find me again.. i don't know how.. i don't how when and most importantly, i don't know why.. why does He care so much? all i know is i'm more than eternally grateful for His loyalty, steadfastness, grace and unlimited love.
i know i don't deserve it and i know it will take me a while to fully recover. but i know i'll get there someday, with Him by my side.

the many blessings are endless! apart from the few pleasant surprises at work and a new found respect and love for a dear friend, i can thankfully say that i'm slowly but surely getting closer to my lifelong target. it takes plenty of hard work and there are times when i think i'll give in altogether. but the past 2 months have shown me that i indeed can achieve anything i want, as long as i do my best and let God do the rest.

i'm still trying and i still fail in some cases, but i won't give up. as long as i have Him, i know i'll be just fine :)

looking forward to the other surprises He has in store for me. and as for the matters at heart which He only knows about, i think i'll just leave it in His capable hands ;)

like ecclesiastes said, there's a season for everything under the sun ;)

what an awesome God we have :)

when..

2006-04-09T05:55:00.000-07:00

when will it come.. when will it happen.. when will i know.. when will i feel..

when..

revealing weekend

2006-02-26T06:39:00.000-07:00

it has been a revealing weekend..
it took me about a day to really process the things that happened..
the secrets revealed made me see things in a different way..

was i disappointed? no..
it was more like "i would have never suspected it"
maybe i was too naive? maybe my expectations are too high?

in the end.. i'm just glad that this was the weekend i chose to go back to church..
i need Him now more than ever..
and everything seems to keep showing that i just have to hang on to Him, the only constant, sure thing in my life..

then, after hours of digesting the information..
i also came to the conclusion that all things .. and i mean every single little thing.. that happened in my life, happened because He has a divine purpose behind it..

yes it's obvious and it's been repeated so many times it has now become a cliche..
but how many of us really acknowledge and understand it, and see it really happening in our daily lives.. realizing every moment of it?

things that may be considered as inconvenience, things that may seem less pleasant in life.. are there because they need to be there..
one day, some day.. you'll look back and realize its significance..
i see that now.. and to that i say "thank You, Lord.."

sunday

2006-02-19T06:13:00.000-07:00

i'm bored out of my mindddddddddd....................

nonsense

2006-02-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

this post will be totally nonsense.. i have nothing particular to share.. nothing important to say.. no strands of thoughts drifting out of my brain that needs to be put in writing.. i just want to write..

let's see.. life is so-so right now.. i'm in the danger of falling into daily routines so bad that i'm thinking of taking up various classes..
took up violin lessons.. and now thinking of taking up painting..but where's the time for it all..

i need a change.. but the need for it is being gradually supressed by the fact that i'm not a morning person and have serious problems with getting up early in the morning.. so the current situation is very accomodating.. the promise of the future vs the comfort of the present.. tough one..

all in all.. my mood has been improving lately.. still not the best of moods, but getting there..so things don't seem so somber anymore..

i wonder what tomorrow will bring..

crossroad

2006-02-11T07:31:00.000-07:00

she stands at a crossroad
looking left, right, straight ahead
refusing to look behind
eager to set a course

uncertain of what to do
she looks up, asking for a sign
or maybe a guiding hand
her mind exhausted from thinking

her heart tells her the direction
a path is set for her feet to follow
regrets, anger, passion, slip down from her shoulders
hesitation, then silence

she sits at a crossroad
the sun now hides behind the clouds above
her heart reduced to whispers
"patience, and the sun will soon shine again"

today's highlight

2006-01-30T11:19:00.000-07:00

i'm feeling much better.. went out with my dear friends.. didn't feel sick or weak at all.. even got some appetite back..
we laughed so hard my jaws hurt.. haven't done that in a while.. it reminded me again of how blessed i am to have them in my life (although deafness may be a side effect :P )

got some work done (at 12.30 am coz i've just checked my email).. and already got work waiting for wednesday.. *mei, how could youuu.. :P

maybe go get a massage tomorrow? and i've been craving for sushi since before i got sick.. got it planned for next sunday, but why wait when i can go eat tomorrow? :)

oh well, tomorrow's another day.. and a healthy day it will be :) shopping malls.. here i comeeee :)

it's the chinese new year

2006-01-28T23:40:00.000-07:00

Gong xi fa cai, everybody! :)

workaholic

2006-01-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

am i a workaholic? i don't think so myself. i like my job and i try to do it as well as i could. and when there's a deadline, well.. it's normal that i work overtime, right?
besides, i'm not the only one.

yet i'm at home with typhoid symptoms again. this being the 4th time in my entire life. guess i'm not as strong as i thought i am.
and the main cause of such disease is exhaustion and bad eating habits. gotta admit that i've been neglecting my nutrition needs and ignoring signs of exhaustion for the last few months.

now i'm stuck at home. bored to death. can't go to the gym, can't hang out with my friends and can't even go to work. sigh.. i guess it serves me right. should've seen it coming.

with so much time to kill, can't help but wonder..am i really a workaholic? what defines a workaholic? what can i do about it?

questions..questions...

amelie

2006-01-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

everybody, meet amelie. my "niece". the cutest baby in the world (of course i'm totally biased) :-D i think she's in santa-mode, just look at her cheek. but her smile is a bit sneaky hahaha.

amelie, your aunties in jakarta n singapore miss you very very much :) come back soon. with your baby bro or baby sis of course.

more cute babies... i'm so excited, it's crazy!
can't wait can't wait!!

being me

2006-01-18T07:19:00.000-07:00

aku tidak sempurna
bukanlah yang terbaik
bukan termasuk "cream of the crop"

aku tidak bodoh
walau kadang kurang ambisi
dan masih butuh banyak bantuan

aku ingin maju
menjalani hidup tanpa sesal
berusaha sampai tak bisa lagi

aku benci pemalas
yang tidak bertanggungjawab
dan tidak mau menjadi lebih baik

aku suka efisiensi
walau sadar akupun tak selalu efisien
tapi ingin selalu mencapai maksimal

aku sering jatuh
baik karena kesalahan sendiri
maupun tersandung kesinisan manusia

aku terus belajar
walau kadang air mata tak tertahan
dan ego dan amarah harus ditahan

aku tidak akan pernah mau menyerah

aku ingin lihat bisa sampai ke mana

2005 - flashback

2005-12-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

can't resist to do a little flashback tonight.. since the mood is kinda accomodating..

2005 has been a very mixed up year.
it began with plenty of disappointment, rejection, pain and confusion. everything i knew was shaken up and torn apart. through it all, i can only say: thank you, Father God :)

reaching april, it got frustating. God brought me home with a super uncertain future. but after months of unemployment, it seemed like the only option left and i got nothing to lose anyway.

after a month of staying home stressed out with nothing to do, i got a job! didn't know what to expect. frankly, it seemed crummy in the beginning hahahahaha. but again, my Daddy in heaven never fails. He knows the best for me. it turned out to be the biggest blessing this year :) i have crazy colleagues. i now have the honor of calling them friends. i have great bosses. the only downside is what happens every saturday morning hahaha

in the mean time, old friends popped up. some i love even more and will stay forever in my life, some i said goodbye to. well, life goes on, as i discovered later on. some got/gets/are getting married, have children, start a new life. but we're still friends till the end. oh how blessed i am.

3 months later i took a chance. it didn't pay off but i never regret it. it made me realize how blessed i am with what i have.

so even though the year has ended with me being unbalanced in everything: mind, body, spirit and soul.. i thank God for blessing me with such a great year and for another fantastic upcoming year.

to all my friends slash colleagues reading this.. thank you for making the past 7 months one of the most memorable moments of my life. i love you all and God bless! have a blast this new year and make the best out of 2006 ;)

P.S: God, i know u're reading this.. and i know U know what i want for this new year hehehe.. if U're willing..make 2006 the year to remember ;)

new year's resolution

2005-12-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

why do we make new year's resolutions? why do we decide to do good things once a year?
isn't that something we should be doing everyday of our lives? instead of waiting for that one date at the end of each year?

and even then, most resolutions are usually forgotten after a month or two.

so let's make daily resolutions. be thankful for everything that happens. share love and joy with others. be a blessing and be helpful. et cetera et cetera et cetera.

in one simple sentence: be the best that you can be, for yourself and for the people around you.

this should be a good start.
God help me.

my wish list

2005-12-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

i want to scream in your ears
to get you to notice me
i want to shake you so hard
to wake you up and make you see

i wish i could dig a hole deep in the ground
and bury all that i'm feeling inside
i wish i could exhale all the wind out
and let everything dissolve in thin air

i want to run away
and never see you again
i want to get inside your soul
and know what you feel

i wish i could stop my mind from wandering
to silence all the voices shouting
i wish i could stop my heart from feeling
to keep the tears from falling

but in the end..
i wish you want me
just as much as i want you

selamat tinggal

2005-12-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

berakhir sudah cerita kita
sebuah kisah kasih yang pernah tercipta
berlalu sudah tawa dan rasa
buang kenangan lama
aku kan terus melangkah

biarkan aku berjalan tanpa dirimu
melintasi ruang dan waktu
menuju lembaran baru

lupakan semua yang terjadi antara kita
terimakasih untuk semua yang tlah kau berikan
selamat tinggal

maafkan bila diriku telah
tanpa sengaja menggoreskan luka di hati
bukan maksudku, tak kusengaja
memang tak semua akan menuju abadi

biarkan aku berjalan tanpa dirimu
melintasi ruang dan waktu
menuju lembaran baru

lupakan semua yang terjadi antara kita
terimakasih untuk semua yang tlah kau berikan
selamat tinggal

© simplebookworm, 2005

i am now

2005-12-12T05:22:00.000-07:00

in need of something new
fun
exhilirating

in search of that something
someone
someday

in process of accepting
learning
living

trudging through life

looking
searching

all in vain?

intermezzo

2005-12-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

no matter how hard i try
i can't escape these things inside
i know

~ 3 doors down

story telling mode

2005-12-03T09:17:00.000-07:00

lagi ga niat aneh2... jadi mari berkisah ala erick..
euh.. dah lama ga nulis yak..
a lot has happened since..
Bali was SUPER FUN!!! sayang kurang lamaaaaa... huiks...
kenang2 an nya.. di lengan kiri.. bekas TaPak BaBi.. hitam sekotak..
mampoes deh..mo ke kawinan gimana pulaaa.. haiyaahhh..

after that.. work work work..
gw curiga gw agak2 workaholic.. hm.. even tho dah lama ga bawa pulang kerjaan..
tepatnya setelah gw sukses tepar kena package.. iiiiii..... no more deehh...
tp serius ga tau mo ngapain sih kalo ga kerja.. so basically.. life = work ? ckckckckck gelo ah gw..

got me an iPod Nano 2day.. hohoho
gara2 si BCA dodol gw ampir sempet panik.. iPod ku hampir hilang dari genggaman.. uh..
eh dah hepi2 abis itu.. tyt.. ibu mira mengalami musibah.. aiyahh...
sudah lah :) emang dah waktunya kali ente ganti hp, mir hehehe
lumayan kan liburan 2 hari ga diganggu sapa2? :)

ga kerasa mgg dpn si patris dah mo merit..ckckck.. anak kecil satu itu.. haiyahh.. melangkahi gw! emang ga sopan yah anak2 jaman skrg hohohoho.. kecil2 dah pada merit.. ckckckck
saya cari duit aja ah.. :P

kmrn nonton "just like heaven".. cewe2 berempat hohoho.. gw, tine, mira n stefani heuehuhue
tadi jg ke pasar baru ngepas gaun buat wedding patris *sumpah gw ga biasa liat diri gw pake gaun begituu...heh * ... sama cewe2 berempat.. stefani menyarankan gw pake sari bangkwang buat mutihin bekas tapak babi itu hihihihihi

skrg saya teler.. wut a long day..
mana seminggu ini gw telat mulu ngantor.. mepetz abies.. sampe ampir keabisan empek2 dahsyat uenakkk itu... !!! ckckckckkckckkkckckck... utg masih kebagian hoho.. kalo ga bisa meraung2 seharian tuh.. hehehe

yah sudah.. sekian story telling mode for today..
kali2 aja besok2 jg masih mood buat nulis ala erick style hahaha
btw..gimana perkembangan tuh anak dng si "seseorg" yah.. hm.. kudu catch up neh..

g'nite world

happy happy..joy joy

2005-11-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

3 days of fun in the sun..
BALI ROCKS!!
it was the most fun i've had in yeaarrrssss....
man..almost forgot how great it felt to be among friends and just let loose..
lots of laughter and craziness..
and lots of blessings and lessons learned..

i feel so lucky to have experienced it all..
and though it's back to harsh reality for now..
i hope someday we can do that again...
take a time out and leave everything behind...
escape to a world of frenzy excitement..

what a rush..

untuk dia

2005-10-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

hai seseorang
di manakah kamu sekarang
kapan kita kan bertemu
akankah kau mengenaliku

hai seseorang
tahukah kau aku meradang
mengarungi samudra waktu
mencari dan mengejarmu

hai seseorang
dalam jiwaku terbayang
riuhnya derai tawa
diselingi tetes air mata

hai seseorang
aku tak tahan ingin terbang
sudah terlalu banyak getar di kalbu
berkecamuk menjadi satu

hai kamu
rinduku padamu
bak bumi menanti rintik hujan
lepaslah semua kepenatan

dilemma

2005-10-17T01:32:00.000-07:00

likeable yet unreachable
cheerful yet alone
satisfied yet afraid
open yet so closely guarded

i need answers
i need courage

to love
to admit
to understand
to accept
to be loved

disillusioned and discouraged
caught in the sudden rapid rush
of indecipherable thoughts
and uncontrollable feelings

do i dare?

untuk apa

2005-10-06T16:12:00.000-07:00

untuk apa semua ini kulakukan?
tak terasa kapan matahari terbit
atau kapan ia terbenam
tak terasa detik menit jam terlewati
atau hari yang terbang berlalu

aku tahu tujuanku
apakah aku sedang berlari ke sana?
atau ini hanya halangan fana sementara?
makna hidup di hati dan jiwa
semakin hari semakin pudar entah kemana

untuk apa semua ini kulakukan?
yang pasti bukan tuk diriku semata
sebab kuhitung diriku bahagia
dan kuanggap diriku beruntung
hadapi semua yang singgah di jalanku

terpanjat doa
terucap harapan
jangan sampai hilang tujuanku
jangan sampai lenyap makna hidupku
sampai nanti bumi ini lepas dari kakiku

Yang berjalan sendirian

2005-10-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

by Sitok Srengenge

Ia suka berjalan sendirian di rembang petang
sembari membayangkan sejuntai tangga lempang
terpancang ke lembaran awan
Ia lalu memanjatnya pelan-pelan
dan sesampai di atas sana ia rentang penat badan,
memilah mana kenyataan mana impian

Diberanikan dirinya memandang ke bawah,
berharap menyaksikan wajah kampungnya yang indah
yang selalu membuat ia terkenang bunda
yang didamba jadi sandaran lelangkah kembaranya
yang tak ujung berpenghabisan
Tapi ia cuma melihat bumi,
tempat segala asal mula kelak kembali

Ia coba amati lebih cermat lagi
dan cuma menangkap ceceran jejak di jalan berdebu,
bekas pijakan kakinya yang ngilu,
ceruk-ceruk kelam disepuh kenangan
memantulkan remang rembulan

Betapa ia jadi paham:
dirinya senantiasa berjalan sendirian
dan tak satu pun dijumpainya perhentian
Betapa ia terpesona pada kelap-kelip lampu bahtera
yang tergantung di dinding langit utara

take me to your imagination

2005-09-29T13:41:00.000-07:00

take me to your imagination
where the sun always shine
upon the wandering feet
on the bed of soft green grass

take me to your imagination
with the clear blue sky
spread like a sea of pure white clouds
and nothing seems to matter

take me to your imagination
let the sound of crashing waves
and the wind on your skin
take me far away from this world

take me to your imagination
where time stops
and i can feel me

wat ik mis

2005-09-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

ik mis nederlands praten
ik mis nederlandse woorden
ik mis de bussen en zelfs NS

ik mis haring met uien en zuur
ik mis patat oorlog
ik mis broodje kroket en frikandel

ik wil naar het strand
naar Kijkduin of Scheveningen of Noordwijk

ik wil lopen in het centrum
in Utrecht of Den Haag of Amsterdam

ik mis winter
ik mis de gekleurde hemel 's ochtends
ik mis de geur

ik mis de indrukwekkende landschappen
de Dom, het Academiegebouw, de Oude gracht

ik mis het zitten op het gras
onder de september zon
genieten van de licht blauwe lucht en witte wolken

ik mis nederland

lost

2005-09-25T22:19:00.000-07:00

it's almost midnight
and i'm still waiting
wondering where you are
and what you're doing

it's been a while
since i feel this way
wonder if it's for real
or just a temporary thing

now i can't stop thinking of you
are you thinking of me too?

i'm lost in the sensation
blown by your presence in my life
helpless to resist this crashing wave upon me

i'm so dazed by this
impossible feeling in my heart
helpless to resist this crashing wave upon me

every time i see you
all the thoughts come
rushing through my mind
i'm paralyzed inside

every time we talk
i feel so light
feels like i could fly
right to your blue sky

now i can't stop thinking of you
are you thinking of me too?

i'm lost in your sensation
blown by your presence in my life
helpless to resist this crashing wave upon me

i'm so dazed by this
impossible feeling in my heart
helpless to resist this crashing wave upon me
©simple book worm - 25/09/2005

contemplating faith

2005-09-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

i believe in the one God, the Holy Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit
i believe in He who died and is risen and went up to heaven
i believe that He is the way, the truth and the life
i believe in His word, written in the bible

but i can't condemn people from other faith as "lost"
because although their truths may not be the truth,
but i'm against approaching them or persuading them
just to get them to fill church benches

yes i know i have to share the light and the gospel
yes i know i have to tell and show them the truth
but i want to do it with my life, not just my words
i want them to see and feel God's love for themselves

to me, faith is not just something you believe in
faith is a relationship with the living God,
the one best friend, the father, the saviour, the lover of my soul
to me, faith is not telling people they're wrong

i am afraid to share this with fellow believers
cause i know most of them don't agree with me
maybe i'm the one who's wrong, who's afraid
honestly, i don't really know

all i know is, i find it hard to talk,
to share my faith while they have their own
except when they ask me first
or when we're in a relevant conversation

but i still give hints, ask and i will always pray for them
i will help them with everything i have and am
because i want to share this joy and love
that have blessed me so very much in every step of my life

because i want to see them again,
in the Father's home someday

most importantly,
because i love them

am i wrong?
am i afraid?

choices

2005-09-13T10:37:00.000-07:00

i made a choice..was it the right choice?
yes..
i took a chance..and it didn't work out
but..
i learned a lot..and my curiosity is satisfied

at least for now

was it a mistake..something to be ashamed of?
no..
i made that decision..and there will be no regrets
so..
i think it's time..i'll set my path straight again

where am i going now?

blessed

2005-09-01T03:15:00.000-07:00

i feel so blessed and i can't ever repay or thank you enough
though there are dark valleys along the way
you always give me strength to pull through
and you never leave my side
how grateful i am for your everlasting love

now help me share it with the world
so others can feel what i feel
the joy of having you in my life forever
always loved, always understood, always accepted
how much i love you, my father and friend

tired

2005-08-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

i am tired of always being wrong
i am tired of always being angry
i am tired of always having to explain myself

i want to run
i want to hide
i want to fly
i want to soar

to a place where i could be me
where no one could find me
high in the clouds
as close to heaven as i can

i am unworthy
i am weak
yet i will be victorious

the joy of the Lord is my strength
He is my refuge, my rock
He understands me, accepts me

He will provide a way out
coz i don't know how much longer i can take this

a prayer

2005-08-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

Daddy, i know there's a purpose for me to be where i am today...
and i want to fulfill it
i may not be much help and i know that i'm haven't been the best daughter lately
i know that using my own strength, i won't be able to accomplish anything
most of all, i know i'm not worthy of you and your great purpose
but i know i can help to at least share

Daddy, please give me strength and wisdom
most importantly, please give me your love and compassion
i thank you for everything you've blessed me with
i'm so grateful that i'll always have you by my side
someone i can talk to about everything
someone who understands me wholly and never judges me

Daddy, i love you...
thank you...

contemplate...

2005-08-17T12:33:00.000-07:00

i believe that God puts me here for a reason
i believe that He has a purpose for my life, and everything that happens in it

yet i can't help but wonder why He has placed me here
and why He lets me leave after only such a short while

did i make a difference?
i want to make a difference

am i supposed to do something? say something? change something?
i hope i didn't miss any given chances

i wish i know what He wants me to do
i wish i can be the difference
i wish i can help make things better

a part of me

2005-08-15T21:41:00.000-07:00

a part of me wanted to stay
and savor the joyous moments
the cheerful laughter
the crazy antics
all the things that make my days so much brighter

a part of me wanted to go
to try something new
experience new challenges
survive worse pressures
everything that i've always wanted to be a part of

a part of me is astonished
amazed at all the wonderful things i'm blessed with
for i don't deserve it
and i never will
i'm so overwhelmed by everything He's done for me

a part of me can't help but wonder
will this friendship continue
have i accomplished anything
did i make a difference
for i never want to let this go ... ever...

this is me..now..

2005-08-11T02:47:00.000-07:00

the choice has been made
it wasn't an easy one
but it has to be done

am i selfish?
am i ignorant?

maybe

will i be happier?
will it be better?

maybe

all i can do is have faith
everything will be fine
as long as i have him with me

i hate goodbyes
no matter how insignificant it may seem
but life goes on

and so it goes...

days

2005-08-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

today..
enjoy it while it lasts
i wanna live life to the fullest
i wanna live like there's no tomorrow
may be the last day of life as i know it

tomorrow..
i may not be where i am today
could be the day when everything changes
may not come at all
is a perpetual enigma that sparks hope yet simultaneously tortures

so where am i now?

floating in infinite time and space
existing in a universe of hope
filled with dreams far beyond reach
facing unpredictable circumstances

making history?

one happy family

2005-08-09T12:14:00.000-07:00

..:: we're one happy family @ Hotex Animal Kingdom ::..

today's quote

2005-08-09T12:06:00.000-07:00

Trials are unavoidable and unpredictable, and they come in an unimaginable variety.
Knowing that our sovereign God will walk with us and use trials to deepen our maturity, we can count them "all joy."
~ taken from today's Our Daily Bread

kenapa

2005-08-08T23:19:00.000-07:00

kenapa sih hidup itu musti belibet?
katanya kalo ga naek turun, bosen
bukan idup namanya
kalo ga ada tantangan

tapi kenapa musti selalu sala timing?
kaya geledek di siang bolong
ga ada ujan, ga ada angin
tiba2 tergoncang lagi semuanya

kenapa gak bisa ada kepastian?
kaya bulu ditiup angin
lagi enak melayang malah disuru naek
kadang bahkan dihempas aja ke tanah

kenapa musti kembali ke persimpangan?
memang masih gak jelas jauh ato deket
dan suatu saat pasti akan ke sana
tapi kenapa justru sekarang? saat ini?

kenapa otak ini ga bisa berenti?
perasaan doang yang kedengeran
kaya terkurung dalam kotak yang sempit
penuh berisi gema gong dan dentang lonceng

kenapa?

silence

2005-08-04T07:21:00.000-07:00

in the silence i find my peace
i look upon myself
all that i am
all that i'll be

in the silence i find sanctuary
away from it all
the feelings
the thoughts

i need silence
after a day's journey
after a lifetime of noise

i need silence
to ease the pain
to release the anger

will the silence help me heal?

aku dan kau

2005-07-31T06:36:00.000-07:00

sukacitaku
kembali dalam pelukanMu
kembali bersujud di kakiMu
memuji dan menyembahMu

sukacitaku
kembali menyebut namaMu
kembali bernyanyi bagiMu
memuji dan menyembahMu

betapa ku merindukanMu
Engkaulah satu-satunya dalam hidupku
tak berarti rasanya hidup ini
tanpa Kau di hatiku

Kaulah Tuhanku, perlindunganku
penyelamat dan sahabatku
Kaulah Tuhanku, penghiburanku
kekuatan dan sukacitaku

walau ku tak selalu setia
Kau selalu ada untuk diriku
kini ku sadar arti hidupku
seluruhnya hanya untuk diriMu

memujiMu, menyembahMu
itulah inginku
bersamaMu selamanya
Kaulah cintaku yang pertama

sampai habis nafasku
sampai akhir hidupku
ku hanya ingin diriMu
ku hanya ingin cintaMu

P2 Battle

2005-07-28T11:35:00.000-07:00

..this is how the battle commenced..

het zijn de kleinste dingen..

2005-07-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

het zijn de kleinste dingen in het leven
die je gelukkig maakt
soms vergeet je om dank te zeggen
voor alles die je krijgt

het zijn de kleinste dingen in het leven
die je tot fallen leidt
soms vergeet je om goed te letten
op wat je zegt en doet

dus probeer ik elke dag
om aan de kleinste dingen te denken
zodat ik anderen kan helpen
en zodat de wereld iets beter eruit ziet

want door de kleinste dingen
hebben ze mijn leven gered

repentance

2005-07-26T21:16:00.000-07:00

lost in a haze of selfishness
living life in ignorance of its essence,
of the one that makes life worth living

forgot everything i went through
all that brought me here and made me who i am
the perpetual light inside begun to dim

how grateful i am for the grace,
the everlasting love and neverending forgiveness
of the one that makes being me worth being

falling on my knees, tears down my face
a mix of deep regret and uncontainable joy
the familiar warmth slowly spreads inside

oh how i adore thee
and thy loving arms

i am safe once again,
brave once again,
live once again

love

2005-07-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

when i'm with you
everything's alright
you are my rock
you are my strength to carry on

when i'm with you
the darkness disappears
i've never felt so loved before
you are the wings that carry me

and i will soar high in the sky
with you i know i will survive
your love has filled my soul,
captured my heart,
swept me off my feet

yes, i will soar high in the sky
reach for the stars beyond the clouds
forever i will love you
for you have loved me more

and here i am
safe in your arms
i can stay forever
there's nowhere else i'd rather be

and there you are
holding me close
i can see it in your loving smile
that you'll never let me go

so this is love
so this is joy
there is nothing i can't do
you are the reason that i live

life according to...

2005-07-18T23:58:00.000-07:00

..me as who and what my Father has created me to be, is about serving Him, making the most of my life, plough ahead with the vision and mission He's given me..

..me as who and what I am today, is about pursuing happiness, keeping things simple, enjoying life for it's far too short..

..me as a whole: mind, body and soul, is a neverending quest for the finish line, when I've fulfilled my purpose on this earth and please Him..

who am i?

2005-07-16T22:49:00.000-07:00

a simple book worm.. who can't resist the sight of a beautifully binded stack of papers.. who tries to keep everything simple in spite of their complexity... whose book shelves are neater than her closet.. who tries to fulfill her purpose in life.. who can't resist warm chocolate cake topped with vanilla ice cream.. who always fail her diet but enjoys life nonetheless.. who treasures her friends as much as her books - or maybe more..